Many people believe that "romance" is a phenomenon reserved for young people. Our older relatives may not appear to be interested in a romantic or sexual connection, but this is not always the case. Nothing could be farther from reality. At any age, we require company, warmth, human contact, and someone to participate in our everyday activities with us in order to feel whole. Even while many individuals have grown up enough to put an end to their crazy romanticized notion of finding the "perfect" soul mate and their aspirations to achieve unending romantic pleasure, people of all ages still appreciate the warmth and intimacy that a romantic relationship may give. These kinds of partnerships may be highly rewarding and passionate among older populations - yet also mature and reasonable in their expectations.
Obstacles to a Successful Relationship
Despite this, there are a few roadblocks to finding love in your golden years. For starters, women outlive men, and men like to be with a spouse who is younger than they are. Many older girls are left without acceptable dates as a result of this. Moreover, while our loving hearts may not age, our bodies and minds certainly do. Things like limited movement and generally deteriorating health might make it harder to engage in a sexual relationship.
Other roadblocks are social in nature and more closely tied to new interactions. Grown children or other family members who are not supportive or accepting of a senior who is initiating a new relationship can be difficult to deal with. Some of these concerns are valid, such as when a parent is elderly and suffering from dementia or other forms of cognitive decline. People who find themselves in certain situations may not be able to provide their complete permission. A common source of concern among adult children is that their new spouse is only searching for stability or money, as in the case of the traditional "gold-digger."
This concern is valid or incorrect, depending on your perspective. Other adult children may be having a difficult time adopting a new member into the family simply because they are devoted to a departed parent or because they loathe change in general. No matter how strong the opposition, our culture appears to enable adult children to have a "voice" in whether or not their parents are "allowed" to date after they reach a certain age of maturity. If this is appropriate or not is up for debate and clearly depends on the circumstances – but the fact is that a lack of support can be a roadblock for some.
Isolation is another hindrance. Because of mobility limitations or the fact that one lives with adult children, there are few possibilities to meet new people on occasion. Furthermore, while certain dating websites are aimed at older people, not everyone is technologically proficient or comfortable using such dating services. Dating occurs more commonly for those who reside in assisted living facilities since it is just simpler to meet people your own age when you are in an assisted care facility.
How to Avoid Being Isolated as a Senior
Another element that prevents romance from blossoming is ageism. In general, our culture appears to be more comfortable with the notion that elderly people just do not have sex or are uninterested in anything other than bingo and bridge games. As a result, even for long-term married couples, public displays of closeness and open discussion of intimacy are not always welcome. And, unfortunately, some seniors maintain this ageist viewpoint as well, which can create a self-imposed barrier to success.
What We Know About Senior-to-Adult Romances
Among other things, research has revealed that we don't really know that much about sex with the elderly! When asked if they had discussed sex with their doctor since turning 50, only 22 percent of women and 38 percent of men said they had. And, until recently, this was not a particularly interesting field of study for scientists. As the senior population continues to grow, more people are becoming interested in it.
Our current findings indicate that the majority of us will continue to have sexual relations well into our 80s and that the most common reason for not participating is a lack of a sexual partner – particularly for women. Another factor is the state of one's health.
We also have some data to show that the more frequently we participate in sexual activity, the greater the likelihood that we will live a longer life. The fact that we have a partner and have sex can produce endorphins and other hormones that make us feel better, allow us to cope with discomfort, and calm anxiety may explain why healthy people are more likely to do both activities. Loneliness has been shown to be a significant predictor of health issues such as depression, high blood pressure, and cardiovascular disease. Liability is associated with a greater likelihood of being negative about the future and a greater likelihood of requiring long-term care services. Loneliness also increases the likelihood of people engaging in harmful habits such as overeating or neglecting to exercise.
Loneliness Can Be Reduced
Many individuals will encourage an elderly person who is feeling lonely to "go out more." But what exactly does this mean? Frequently, the same factors that encourage younger individuals to participate in social activities are also effective for older people. For example, donating your time to a good cause may lead to you meeting new people, enrolling in a class, working out in a gym, or joining a social group. While there is no assurance that a person will find a love partner, doing so will at the very least raise a person's level of engagement and increase the likelihood of meeting someone in his or her social group.
In order to locate a group of peers, many lonely elders may move into an assisted living facility. If this is not possible, finding a senior center that offers daily or weekly activities may be an option. Following the death of a spouse, this is a usual course of action. After the death of a spouse, more assistance is often required, and family and friends may need to go out of their way to extend themselves and make themselves accessible to a freshly bereaved individual in need.
Some issues are simply exacerbated by a lack of accessible transportation. Finding a route into town can be a significant barrier to meeting new people and participating in activities for seniors living in rural areas.
Finally, we must address the issue of ageism, which can be a barrier for seniors who believe they are unable to seek a relationship because of their age. The way we think about seniors, in general, has to be changed so that we can anticipate the entire spectrum of human activity that is conceivable and desired for all of them.
Concerns Regarding Relationships with the Elderly
While the vast majority of individuals who use dating websites are legitimate, there are scammers who take advantage of such platforms to sweet-talk their way into someone's pocketbook. Women over the age of 50 are the most vulnerable to online romance scams, with women over 50 losing $34 million in the United States alone in 2012 alone. What exactly do the con artists do? They literally sit and compose hundreds of emails and social media messages every day until they come upon a willing victim, which might take weeks or months. A few weeks after they establish a love connection, the scammer will ask for a modest sum of money to cover an emergency of some type, and then the process will be repeated with greater sums of money in the future.
What about "in-person" romance, on the other hand? Unfortunately, this may happen in person as well as on the internet. The following are some indications that there may be a problem:
The new partner is too concerned about the financial situation of their goal.
The new spouse is requesting and receiving extremely costly presents from friends and family.
There is a lot of ambiguity and mystery around the new partner's history, future, family, and friends.
Alternatively, this individual's life story is inconsistent, does not check out, and does not make sense.
A person gradually isolates the elder – by inciting conflict or rifts within the family or socially – so that their partner has fewer resources outside of the new relationship.
Another potential hazard for elderly romance? STDs! When it comes to sexually transmitted diseases, many of us associate them with adolescents and young adults. However, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, STDs among those over the age of 40 have grown by a staggering 45 percent between 2000 and 2008. It is possible that seniors and their physicians are not even concerned with avoiding or detecting these disorders, which makes them a greater hazard. Untreated STDs can result in major difficulties for anybody – but they can be especially dangerous for seniors since they can exacerbate other prevalent health concerns.
Finally, there is the very real need to respond when a senior is intellectually challenged by dementia or Alzheimer's Disease, which can be life-threatening.
However, aside from these problems, most seniors' love relationships are fairly healthy on the whole, and they should be welcomed, supported, and encouraged!
